Whatever happened to teenage girls not getting along with their moms? Why must it be my mom is my best friend and my dad I can't stand? Why must it be that I am the one with good grades, the one who does their chores, the one that helps their dad, the one that does certain things their brother doesn't do, the one who actually has a future, why must that be the one called 'alzy' and the one treated like they are worthless, the one caleld crazy, the one made to cry.

Why must the one person who has always struggled with depression and such be the person forced right back into it. Why must they be the person so misunderstood and so mistreated, even if it's only emotional?


Why must I be this person? Why must I live like this? Am I really this worthless person I'm made to be believe I am? Would everyone really be happier without me? Should I just get out?

Maybe i should be the person my father says I am. Maybe I should be lazy, maybe i should be worthless. Maybe I should just drop out of school instead of having to spend my time, hidden in my room, crying until my whole body aches, tell my jaw can't take the quivering, until my brain can't take the sniffles and the headache. Until my voice gives out from the shouting.

How come when I need a friend the most, there are none within my reach. How come when I need someone to understand, they don't understand at all? How come it's so unfair, that when my brother says no, he gets away with it, but if i say no i'm punished?

Why is it that I feel so worthless? Is it truly because that's what I'm told, or is it actually true? Maybe i am lazy, maybe i just don't see it through all the work I end up doing...maybe it's just because i'm not his puppet and he can't be unfair and expect me just to ignore it. Maybe...maybe I'm just a woman, maybe i am passive agressive, maybe i don't understand. Msybe i should just shut up and give in, do what i'm told even if i shouldn't have to, or maybe i could just do what i know would only make a few people cry. Maybe i should just slit my wrists and die. Who would miss me? Apparently not my dad, since i'm so lazy and never do any work. I know he'd not miss me. He wouldn't miss the person who talks to him, or rides the motorcycle with him, or goes to concerts with him. He wouldn't miss the person who gets good grades and seems to have some sort of future. He won't miss the person who yells at him when he knows damn well he's wrong. He won't miss the person he tells she's a bitch. He won't miss the person who goes otu and has fun with him when his son sits and plays the computer. He won't miss the person who he can actually talk to and not get mumbles or no response at all. He won't miss the person who helps him when he asks for a woman's opinion. He won't miss the person who he constantly makes cry. He won't miss the person who just needs to be held. He won't miss the person who actually values his opinion, who chokes on their tears when his opinion is the worst of them.....


No one would miss me....

I just...probably should disappear, just end my life. Everyone would move on, no one would care. Just one less depressed person in the world....

One less bitch

One less waste of space....